


Lordstorm Explores The Cliches - Shag or Die

by Kelkat9



Series: Lordstorm and His LiveJournal Adventures [5]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bath Sex, Explicit Sex, F/M, Fuck Or Die, Humor, Rubber Ducks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:07:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: Lordstorm is on a quest to understand fanfic cliches.  Rose must enlighten him, starting with Shag or Die.  Uh, this might be a tad smutty.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hides at smutty use of rubber ducky.

  
White, frothy, coconut scented bubbles practically overflowed the large, garden-style bath tub Rose Tyler lounged in as she listened to Nat King Cole‘s Unforgettable. The Doctor’s pirate ducky with the eye patch and pirate hat floated innocently among the bubbles. Just as Rose scooped up a mound of froth and blew it across the tub, the Doctor burst in, laptop in hand. He settled himself on the edge of the tub and soniced the music off.  
  
“Doctor, everything all right?” she asked as he pulled off his socks and trainers, rolled up his pants and leaned against the wall while dangling his feet into the bubble bath. She giggled watching him tap at the laptop while perched on the edge of her bath tub. “Doctor, you know laptops and bubble bath don’t mix.”  
  
“What? Oh, I put a liquid-repelling field on the laptop just in case. So, Rose, I’ve been reading this blog on Live Journal by this Jadedmuse person who seems to feel writers overly rely on clichés. I don’t suppose you want to enlighten me?” he asked, adjusting his glasses and looking down at Rose.  
  
Rose grinned. “Cliches! I love some of them, depending on how they're written, of course.”  
  
“Right, so give me an example of one of these clichés,” he asked, setting the laptop down and casually tossing his jacket off and unbuttoning his shirt.  
  
“Well, there are quite a few, but I suppose we could start with Shag or Die.”  
  
“Did you just say Shag or Die?” he asked with eyebrows raised and dropped his shirt on the floor.  
  
“Yeah,” she said, nodding her head as she played with some of the bubbles.  
  
“How is that even remotely entertaining or a cliché?” he asked, crossing his arms.  
  
“Trust me, it can be real entertaining and hot," she emphasized and blew against the bubbles. "You see, it’s all about two people who want each other but somethings stopping them from expressing their feelings. So they go around wanting each other, but never doing anything about it until, well, something happens and they have to shag or one or both of them will die.” Rose perked up now, getting excited about this topic, and made her way over to where the Doctor was sitting and leaned on the edge of the tub. “Let me give you an example. There’s this story on LJ where the hero and heroine are really in love but he’s held back by his culture’s rules that forbid them from being together. Well, that is until they land on his planet where they’re captured by the natives and are given this choice. They either shag in the temple as an offering to the fertility god or they’ll be sacrificed to the harvest god by being buried in a giant ant hill.”  
  
“Aliens blackmailing people to have sex," he stated dryly. "You do realize, that really wouldn‘t happen. Wellll, at least on 97.899% of worlds populated by advanced humanoid species. I suppose there‘s always exceptions,” he mused. He turned to her. “Soooo this whole Shag or Die thing is considered sexy…”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Huh, humans do have interesting imaginations,” the Doctor said as he stood up and finished undressing. He knelt down in the water and inserted his sonic at setting AG347, which increased the water temperature. He set the sonic aside and pulled Rose over to him until she was sitting in his lap, back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her and casually picked up the pirate ducky. “I think Lordstorm might have to write one of these,” he whispered into her ear as he gently kissed and nipped at her neck and began using the pirate ducky in ways that no pirate ducky was intended to be used.  
  
“Really,” Rose replied as she shifted to assure the most contact between them and gave him better access to play with his ducky while she gently trailed her fingers up and down his leg. Suddenly, little pirate ducky who was nestled between her thighs, started to vibrate. Her eyes widened, and she looked over at the Doctor resting his chin on her shoulder.  
  
He smirked and murmured into her ear, “Pirate ducky needed to be a little more sonic. That all right?”  
  
She answered him with a nod and a moan, squirming in pleasure as the plastic duck vibrated against her core.  
  
“Now then, I think Lordstorm was about to tell you a story." He nipped at her neck until she gasped. "You see, there was this time traveling, blonde haired adventuress who was bored to tears by the stuffy, bureaucratic leaders of her world and all their boring rules. She had stolen this amazing time ship that took her on adventures and along the way she picked up companions. On her latest adventure, she had this brilliant, quite fit companion who was a snappy dresser in a brown, pin stripe suit. The two of them explored time and space with great abandon and found that everything was better as long as they had each other. The danger and excitement of discovery brought them closer together in way neither anticipated until it was as if they were extensions of one another.  
  
"On one particular adventure, they arrived on the planet Talulla, which is known for a wide variety of delicious tropical fruits, especially bananas." He paused and nuzzeld her neck, his fingers sliding inside her as the ducky continue pulsing between her thighs.  
  
"As they walked through one particularly lush part of the jungle, they accidentally stepped into the garden of wild abandon, which was forbidden, of course. The most venerable and revered minister of horticulture immediately called his sycophants to detain them. They were then brought before the most holy shrine of the prime concupiscent vine where they were sentenced to show their repent for their act of sacrilege and make reparation as dictated in the Botanical Scriptures.  
  
Rose bit her lip as heat flushed through her and she clawed her fingers into his thighs as the Doctor's long finger stroked her intimately and the pulsing from the duck pressed against her clit.  
"Now, this particular vine was known to feed off emotions and hormones produced during orgasm by humanoid species.”  
  
“You don’t say,” Rose gasped as he abandoned the vibrating pirate ducky and he focused on stroking her in a rhythm that left her heart pounding as she closed her thighs around his hand until his thumb encircled where she wanted him most. She arched her back even further as the little pirate ducky bobbed away in the water.  
  
“It’s rude to interrupt,” he purred into her ear. “Now. where were we? Oh, yes, you see, this meant that only an act of passion lying amongst the fragrant, white blossoms of the vine would be sufficient. As you can imagine, due to cultural differences, they were hesitant to cooperate. This angered the revered minister, who told them to comply and repent or they would be ground up into fertilizer and fed to the holy vine. One way or another, they would service the holy vine.  
  
"They turned and gazed into each others eyes. The blond traveler, quickly licking her voluptuous lips, apologized to her companion and told him there was no other way. Being an intelligent and chivalrous bloke, he offered to try and make a run for it so she wouldn’t be forced into intimate contact with him.”  
  
Rose gasped as he flipped their positions so she was reclining at the back of the tub with the Doctor poised over her. He brought his head close to hers and softly kissed her. He leaned close to her ear.  
  
“Know what happened next,” he whispered. Rose shook her head “no”, now incapable of speech as he parted her knees and continued stroking her. She reached between them and began stroking his hard length in the same rhythm he had used on her.  
  
“They, they slowly--" He squeezed his eyes tight. "Disrobed and lay down amongst the whhhhiiitte blossoms. Rose, if you don’t stop, I’ll never finish.”  
  
“Oh, I think we’ll definitely finish,” she told him in a throaty voice. “So they got naked in the soft white flowers,” she whispered to him, her thumb tracing over his tip.  
  
“Yes!" he gasped. "The petals were soft and silken against their skin.” The Doctor grabbed her hands and pinned them over her head. He leaned in further into her, angling his erection, barely grazing her entrance.  
  
“Doctor!” Rose moaned as he slowly slid inside her.  
  
“Naked! Yes, she was lying in the flowers naked," he moaned. "Her hair spread all around her head as he knelt between her thighs, kissing and caressing her and all that sexual tension snapped and she wrapped her legs around him and he shouted out and began thrusting into her hot silky…”  
  
“Doctor, now!”  
  
“Oh Yes!” he shouted out and began thrusting in earnest just as he had been describing, letting her wrists go so that they could grasp each other as water and bubbles sloshed around them furiously until finally they both cried out and slowed and collapsed back into the now tepid water.  
  
When Rose could speak, she turned to him. “Soooo, shag or die, huh?”  
  
“Yep! Think I may like that particular cliché.”  
  
“Mmmm, me too. Think maybe we should explore it some more?” she asked, lazily walking her fingers up his chest.  
  
He smiled and turned to her. “Lordstorm does like to research his subject thoroughly.”  
  
Lordstorm was now on a quest to thoroughly research all the clichés.

* * *


End file.
